You're So Old
by Mood-Swing-Swing
Summary: Another day in a world meeting and the countries goofing off, Germany and Italy missing and America on his sweet laptop. America finds something intriguing and shares with the other countries and they all investigate deeper into the information America has found. they discover unbelievable and quite hilarious information about each other. ONESHOT.


It was lunch break right now. The world meeting was put on hold, since America kept complaining he was hungry and that pasta loving freak agreed with that fat blonde about being hungry himself. So, everyone was on break for lunch.

Unbeknownst to everyone else, America was already finished with his lunch. A whole meal of McDonald's was enough for him and his stomach.

While everyone was still eating, America got out his trusty laptop and began to surf the net. England was still in the meeting room, eating across from him, with his nicely packed lunch box.

America scoffed. "So girly" he said under his breath.

England only sent a glare at the American.

"Unlike _you, _I know what is healthy to eat and what not."

"Oh please, I can at least cook some decent food, unlike _you, _who can't cook jack."

"Why you little twat!" England huffed in anger and decided to ignore America's comment and continue to finish his lunch in silence.

Trying so hard not to break his plastic fork in frustration, England bit onto his broccoli and clenched it with his teeth. While as America continued to fool around on the laptop, France came back into the meeting room with a Starbucks in hand, sipping out of the cold cup of coffee.

"Ah, _mon dera, _what brings you two here?" the French man asked while drinking the Starbucks.

"Is it not obvious _frog,_ I am eating my lunch!" The British man stated.

"Just doin' random shiz on my laptop."America butted in.

"No one asked you, you bloody git!"

America pointed to the French man, not taking his eyes off the screen "He did."

"Ah, you guys make such a _magnifique _couple with your pointless bickering."

France dodged a flying carrot, which was thrown by the blushing Brit.

"Shut up you Wanker!" England stood up in his seat and threw another carrot.

"Chère Angleterre, calm down! I was only joking!" France said and shielded his face from flying vegetables.

"Eat this you sodding frog!" England threw a piece of cucumber covered in ranch at France, which landed with a '_splat' _on his pants.

"_Mon Dieu! _My lovely pants! _vous fous Brit, comment osez-vous!_" The French man said in his dialect tongue.

"O_h s'il vous plaît" _The British man spoke in French.

"L_e gasp! _When were you able to speak French! You're just an old English man!

How dare you use my beautiful language on that disgusting tongue of yours!"

England scoffed. "I could say the same to you."

France and England's stupid fight went on. They didn't even notice America was still there, on his laptop just ignoring everything that was going on.

* * *

Most of Countries had come back from the lunch break, but it seemed like Germany was still gone, missing with that Italian pasta freak.

"If that potato bastardo does anything to Italy, I will kill him!" Romano went on a rampage and cursed Germany for whatever he was doing with Italy.

"Now, now. I believe Germany is not that kind of person. He wouldn't do such perverse things, now would he?" Spain reassured.

"Who the fuck knows! He's fucking buff! He could be _raping _Italy _right now!_"

Thoughts went in and out of Romano's head. He couldn't stand his little brother being taken advantage of like that and ran out the meeting room to look for his innocent brother. Spain didn't care to run after Romano, even though he did care deeply about Romano's safety, but he was sure he would be okay, since he was in rage mode.

America was still on his laptop, still looking at the screen with a bored expression.

The other countries were having an arm wrestle competition. America _would've _be interested, but whatever site he was on seemed more interesting...

England and France were currently having an arm wrestle. Being the weak and frail man England was, he of course was losing. But because his pride was much bigger than himself, he wouldn't back down. France was only laughing in England's face while He was struggling to pin France's arm. The wrestle continued and England lost. Russia was next to competing with France. Of course, being scared that the insane Russian would snap off his arm, France lost purposely.

Something caught America's eye.

"France, you're 26?"

"VAATTT!?" the French man marched over to America and his laptop.

"I am not that old! Who in the world told you that!"

America pointed to his screen, "Says so right here."

On a Hetalia wikia page, it had said France's human age would be 26.

"Are you guy's stupid! Wikia cannot be trusted aru!" China walked over to the pair and looked at the screen.

"I believe the site that could not be trusted was Wikipedia." England joined in with the group.

"Well _Angleterre _may be 23 but he's a lot older than that since they can't find his birth date." France rubbed his chin while inspecting England's information.

"Oh shut your trap! At least i'm not a 26 year old with a disgusting bread!"

England shouted back, throwing a hidden carrot at France once again.

"What the- I thought you ate all of your lunch!"

"Expect the unexpected you dolt!" and England threw another carrot accompanied by a broccoli.

"Hey well guess what, Russia doesn't have an age! That means he's damn older than all of us!" America laughed while Russia smiled along with him. America noticed Russia kept smiling with him and that the smile never left his face. It freaked America out, so he stopped laughing.

"HAHA! Japan too. No one knows his human age so he must old too!" China laughed and tautened Japan. Whilst all this commotion, Japan was at the corner of the table reading Shounen Manga. Quietly by himself.

"Well who would've guessed? Both of the missing countries are the same age. What a coincidence!" referring to Germany and Italy. They had different birthdays but same human age.

"What about America? We haven't seen his yet!" China grabbed the laptop and searched for America's information.

"Hey, My baby!" America lunged for his laptop, but China dodged the lunge and kept searching.

"Impossibrru-aru!" China gasped with an anime shocked expression.

"Give me that!" England grasped the laptop out of China's hands and looked at the screen. France joined in with England and looked intently to find what China found.

"Ha! That is total gibberish! All of this is a lie!" England nervously laughed.

"Pshaw, these people are such liars!" France pushed the laptop into America's abdomen, confused at what they found. He searched frantically looking through all the paragraphs but found nothing interesting.

"What? What's such a lie about me?" America asked, waiting for any kind of answer.

England pointed to the character information section and at America's age. One word, two syllables.

Nineteen.

America's human age was nineteen. America laughed his hero laugh.

"Well of course I'd be nineteen! I'm the hero! Heroes are young and SEXAY!" He laughed heroically with his hands on his hips. Out of most well-known countries, he was the youngest one. But truthfully his real age would be 236 years starting from his independence and to forth this year and date.

America returned to the wikia site and continued looking at the other countries character information. Abruptly America began to laugh manically. France and England took the laptop and fought over who would get to see it first. They both saw it at the same time and erupted into giggles and laughter. Russia picked up the laptop and saw what everyone was laughing at. He smiled, not the crazy-insane-I'm-going-to-kill-you-smile. It was a real smile.

He handed the laptop for China to see. China just stared at the screen and scrunched his face. A bright red blush crept up onto his face. From that day on, he hated wikia to the depths of hell.

"Oh shut up you!" China shouted in embarrassment and threw the laptop at America. His wept over to japan, crying and complaining how the other countries were rude and how those _imbecile _humans were lying about his age.

China clung onto Japan and wept like a child. Japan only pushed China's face away in disgust.

"You are invading me persono space." he said with a monotone.

On China's Character information, it had said China's age was 4000 years old.

Of course it was his human age. In country age, he would probably be much older than 4000 years. But 4000 was still too much for a human age. Definitely.

* * *

Though there was a world meeting in America and it was his birthday. Even though it was a boring day. He learned something new about China. And he still got to see the wondrous, colorful fireworks in the night sky with the other countries.

It turned out Germany and Italy got stuck on a boat to Liberty Island, and since they weren't very unfamiliar with the island. They were stuck there for a while. (All thanks to Italy being so curious and wondering around.)

And because I'm a troll, let's just say the zombie apocalypse began the next day.

* * *

**A/N: I am a troll, fear me.**

**So I found this lying around in my laptop. It was meant for july fourth, but damn, that's practically a year ago, so lets just say its a gift for the start of a new year! 2013!...and yes, the story does sound quite childish the way it was written, because I was in a cracky mood for some serious laughs. So, please do enjoy this somewhat-cracky fic about human ages for countries. There is no pairing and no bashing, just for the lulz~**

**I used google translate for this so please be kind,**

"_**v**__**ous fous Brit, comment osez-vous!" - you crazy Brit, how dare you!**_

" _**oh s'il vous plaît" - oh please**_

"_**mon Dieu" - my god**_

"_**cher" - dear**_

"_**Angleterre" - england**_

"_**le gasp" - le gasp**_

_****__"mon dera" - my dear(s)_


End file.
